failure sucks.

1,710 miles in 6 ½ days into my 3,000 miles in 12 day race across America called RAAM.

Eureka, Kansas around 4am …

And I quit.

Saddle sores and sleep deprivation knocked me down, and unfortunately, my sores kept me from getting back up.

It’s a burning sensation – a pain that is indescribable that burned so badly, I wanted to vommit, but nothing would come up.

I remember watching a film on RAAM and seeing one of the participants quit because of his saddle sores; and I remember thinking to myself that there is no way I would quit because of something as petty as saddle sores … but I had never experienced anything like these sores, nor the pain associated with them … but now I know the pain.  Humbled.

I knew that I had a problem with the sores in Durango, Colorado at the end of the 3^rd day of the race, and I was nervous about being able to continue, but my kick ass bike mechanic, Russ went to a bike store and got me a new seat.

I took pain medicine, and then climbed back on the bike, and onto my new seat and continued, and even completed the toughest climbing of the race in the Rockie’s …

Everything was fine, and mentally I was focused.  Esp. the last couple of days.

The best ride of my life was the day before I quit … I think I did 319 miles and felt great.

I felt so strong on the bike that it was the first time that I ever could see my finisher photo in my head.

And I was so confident … but I told myself not to jinx it …. Not to get too comfortable and blow it, and slow down and just focus on one day at a time…

I took a 90 minute sleep break at 2am, but when I woke, I couldn’t sit on the bike after I started again.  The pain medicine didn’t work anymore.

For the first time in my life, surely made softer and easier to decide because of the sleep deprivation … I quit in the middle of challenge.

The shame….

I have never “DNF’d” (did not finish) anything in my life … but now I have.

I have received a lot of emails of support and positive comments on my 1,710 mile bike ride … many people have congratulated me on getting all the way to Missouri border.  And I am grateful for all of this support …

But there is no summit half way up the mountain.

I failed to reach my summit.
I failed to achieve my goal.

Failure sucks.

But this failure (like most failure in our lives) is entirely my own fault.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I will post a race report tomorrow or the next day … with photos and more details on the incredible 7 day adventure that I failed to finish … and if I could do it all over, how I would do it differenly.

I am stuck …
I must do RAAM again next year.  Sophie told me that before she will approve me to solo row the Atlantic ocean (which I am scheduled to do in Nov. 014) … I must successfully complete RAAM.

Failure sucks.